im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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