My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
