I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
