I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
