its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
