when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
