I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
