Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
