I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
