K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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