forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
