You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize