someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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