These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
