So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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