i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
