420 ftw
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
