Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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