What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
