why didn't you poke me back
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
