: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
