worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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