roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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