Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
