Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
