You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
