direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
