Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
