Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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