# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
