and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
