Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
