addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
