i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
