My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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