well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
only you would photoshop your dick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
