I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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