dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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