I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
