is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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