I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
