tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
