Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
