So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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