oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
