Whatcha textin bout Willis?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
