I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
