i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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