Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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