Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
