I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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