She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
